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July 11, 2013 / nuttystepmom

let’s talk about keys

Okay, CindyLou, we’re going to ease into this whole “life advice” thing with something really simple.  Yep, we’re gonna talk about keys.  Sounds kind of dumb and obvious, I know, but trust your stepmom…you’ll thank me for this one day.

Everything you need to know about keys:

  • Keep a spare car key in your wallet.  In your wallet, I tell you.  The day will come (or perhaps multiple days?) when you will lock your keys in your car.  This is quite a suck-filled experience if you’re not prepared.  Best case scenario?  You have to wait in a parking lot until someone with your spare shows up.  Since you were trying to get back in your car in the first place, chances are you don’t want to be in that parking lot anymore.  Worst case scenario?  It’s 20 degrees outside and guess what?  You also locked your coat in the car!  Guess what else?  The person with your spare key is out of town.  Now you get to wait for who knows how long for a locksmith to show up.  Maybe you’re really lucky and don’t have roadside assistance.  Goody!  You get to pay the locksmith 100 bucks.  Oh, good times.  But here’s the reality.  It is very, very rare that you will get out of your car without your wallet.  Even if you leave your purse behind, you probably grabbed your wallet.  If your spare is in your wallet, everything is all good.  If you doubt me, just think back to that time we were on our way to Alabama.  Remember how I was so freakin’ excited to get coffee that I leaped out of the car with the engine still running and the keys in the ignition, but still somehow did remember to lock the doors?  The key in the wallet trick saved us from adding a couple of hours to an already very long trip, no?  Keep a spare car key in your wallet.
  • Speaking of roadside assistance, don’t leave home without it.  Roadside assistance is easy to come by…you can get it through your insurance company, your cell phone company, AAA…even some credit card companies offer it.  (But let’s not forget that credit cards are the devil…more on that later.)  Roadside assistance…it’s cheap and will save you from having some really crappy days.  Running out of gas, having a flat tire, and locking yourself out of your car are all sucky situations…roadside assistance will make it less sucky.  (Of course, don’t be a dimwit…check your gas gauge and remember how to change your own tire.  It’s not hard.)
  • Just one more thing about keys.  You don’t need 100 of the things.  Other than your keys for your home and car, you probably won’t need a ton more.  Maybe a mailbox key depending on where you live or a key for work depending on where you work.  Try to keep your keys to a minimum though.  Heavy key chains are hard on your ignition, your purse, your pocket, etc.  It’s also just a pain in the ass to sort through a mountain of keys every time you wish to open your front door.

Of course, all of this key advice falls squarely under the saying that I share with you frequently.  (And it will pop up on this blog a lot.)  For the most part, life is as simple or as complicated as you make it.  Make it simple, and you’ll be all the happier for it.

Now prepare yourself…tomorrow’s life lesson is about men…a topic that will probably generate 1000 posts on this blog before you’re a grown up. 😉

Does anyone else have any key advice for CindyLou?

July 10, 2013 / nuttystepmom

why pork juice & paper towels?

I pondered names for this blog for a while before just going on a whim and landing on pork juice & paper towels.  Pork juice and paper towels (along with chicken juice, paper napkins, electric can openers, and mayonnaise) are some of the enemies of our home.

I am 100% convinced that every nanoliter of pork juice, chicken juice, beef juice, fish juice, etc. contains billions of microbes intent on my destruction and demise.  (Let me be up front with you from the start here…I do not promise complete sanity at any point in this blog.)  Due to this belief, I have some fairly odd behaviors when preparing meals.  Behaviors that my family laughs with me about.  Oh, who am I kidding?  They mock me.  That’s okay, though.  I am content in the knowledge that I keep them (and myself) safe from evil bacteria that wants them dead.

What about the paper towels and paper napkins?  I hate waste.  Remember how your grandparents used things more than once and didn’t throw things away that could still be useful?  Yeah, I’m like that.  It’s partially an environmental thing, partially a financial thing, and partially a philosophy thing.  It’s complex.

Electric can openers?  Um, I hate to admit this, but I share some personality traits with our dog.  We both fear dislike loud noises.  While I do refrain from barking when startled, I still intensely detest loud, grating noises.  Sooo…it’s a manual can opener for us.  (Guess what?!?  We don’t use a vacuum cleaner either!)

And the mayo?  Well, that stuff is just icky.  The fact that my husband (I need to come up with a fake name for him!) also hates mayo accounts for about 23.7% of the reasons I fell in love with him in the first place.  Okay, maybe it’s not really that important, but it is great to be condiment-compatible with the one you love.

Okay, now you should have a pretty good idea of the level of crazy you’re dealing with by reading this blog.  Don’t worry!  From now on this blog isn’t even really about my strange brain thoughts…it’s about my stepdaughter (we’re calling her CindyLou) and the information I want to share with her as she grows up.  We have 6 years left to get her ready to be out there in this big, beautiful, confusing world, and I want to get it all down in print for her.  It’ll be kind of like a life encyclopedia or some such thing.  Fun! 😉

Wanna know more about what I’m doing here?  Go ahead and check out the “who the heck?” page.

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